Monday, March 3, 2014
Who You Callin’ a Lady?
Is that a trick question? Well, I am calling myself The Well-Turned
Lady (WTL), but if I am thinking in Jane Austen’s time (Regency Period) then it
is a tricky question, indeed. In our
more democratic era, the standard for being lady is…well more liberal. Now we can all be ladies if we call ourselves that. However, in Jane’s time it was very clear
that most women were not Ladies.
Being well-turned did not happen by accident and did not
happen overnight. A Lady was cultivated.
This was the great dividing line in
English culture. Her Ladyship’s work was
becoming a Lady. The rest of them were
hoofing it for her and pulling it together for themselves when they could.
In training to be a Lady, it was a given that you would work
on your embroidery, your painting, your languages, your dancing -- this was
your work. Even In the softening of the class system in America, this did not
die completely. Young women who wanted
to be respectable wives had their lessons as well. This was the new work of middle class women. It was a matter of course that a young woman
would work on these skills. They might also
may marry a bully or die in childbirth, but we can’t have everything can we,
Dears?
Why does being a Lady even matter? Why should you or I care? For me, the artful life that I desire is not
pulling itself together on its own. Nor
do I believe it will without a conscious effort to see that happen, and I do
not know how to make that happen in my current manner of living.
As a feminist, I am not harkening back to a time of
“traditional womanhood” kicks and grins.
I am hearkening back to a time when roles were bounded by cultural
expectations. Yet, in that boundary a
lot of creativity and cultivation could happen.
That was a boon, I think. It is a
great struggle for me to make this happen in any other way. In having it all, I am too unbounded. I have too much to do in vocation, chores, avocations
and self-care. In managing me there is
just too much to “just happen” any other way.
You can disagree with me on this, but for some reason the
Well-Turned Lady Model makes this all very real to me. To live the model one must know, what
constitutes a lady? I can’t say that I
have encountered any women who would not
be considered ladies now-a-days. However,
in the true cultivation model, I know of only one or two women who were actually
raised in such a way that their patronage, wealth and lifestyle would actually make
them part of the “ton.” Knowing them and hearing about their lives is
to meet someone who breathes extremely rarified air.
Beyond the pure, pure air of that world, the model of the
Well-Turned Lady became most real to me in fictional worlds. First in learning more about the world Jane
Austen lived in, which fascinates me to no end.
Second in watching a woman who models what a true lady most likely was
-- Lady Mary in Downton Abbey.
Yes, there are issues in the show: too much of a soap opera, too liberal in its
depictions of class relationships, etc.
However, Lady Mary’s demeanor was something that I had never really understood
until “my study” of her. Has there ever
been a more entitled woman depicted on television? She acts with true (perhaps selfish) self-regard. In her is a depiction a woman whose sense of
what she needs and what she wants is a matter of fact. Her wants supersedes everyone else in her
orbit -- no apologies or qualifications.
Why would there be? She has been
raised to know that what she wants matters and is important; therefore, she
need not apologize for wanting it.
For this reason, I am really beginning to think that sense of
entitlement is what is ultimately necessary in order to carve out the time to
create. Entitlement is very difficult
for me. In my life, I have been raised
to be a servant and not a lady. I do not
know how to give myself the time to cultivate me without feeling like I have to
ask permission for it (to no one but my own highly developed super ego). At 46 years old, I am a little tired of it.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
The Well-Turned Lady Blogs again...
The Well-Turned Lady returns having survived 25 days of bronchitis, her dog dying and FINALLY (!) getting some help at work...
Sunday, March 3, 2013
I thought only table legs were well-turned
Not so dear reader.
Ladies are well-turned, too. Though, they are in such short supply
these days. I dare say if you were to look around there would be far too
many spindly ladies than the well-turned sort.
What is a Well-Turned
Lady (WTL) you ask?
Go back, back, back
to a time when "Pilates Arms" were never heard of. It was a
time before the Fiscal Kerfuffle inflicted itself upon us. A time when we
would have known the Mayan Apocalypse as a dinner entree at Cuco's. A
gentler time, if you will.
All a lady had to do was
occasionally show a lovely ankle and it "brought all the boys to the
yard." And let me add a Yo to that.
But, it was not easy,
no. Before we commence down the primrose path to the mistaken belief in a
simpler time, I will disabuse you of the notion right now. The WTL led a
life of mastering the domestic arts and the actual ARTS amongst other
things.
It is the actual Arts
part that I endeavor to achieve, dear readers.
Thus the need for this “Blog of Days.”
The WTL invites you to join her on a journey to bring Artistic pursuits
and a well-lived life together.
Why might a WTL seek
such a path? Desperation.
One sunny afternoon the
WTL found herself in a used bookstore in Tallahassee, FL, and found a slim
volume entitled Anonymous Was a Woman.
Using the quote from Virginia Woolf, it depicted the hand work and folk
art of the 18th and 19th century, but it also described
the day-to-day domestic life of these women.
Suffice it to say, those ladies were not sissies. The work of Homecare and Creating all mingled
together in their work-laden lives.
As the WTL jumped around
the book to see quotes here and there, she saw this on pg. 37:
Saturday morning wrote journal in the afternoon
quilted for Miss Anne Baldwin…After tea took a short walk. In the evening sung songs and heard prayers...
Monday morning went to school…read history, painted in the afternoon.…
The WTL thought that
she’d kill to journal and quilt on a Saturday… She would love to paint on a
Monday afternoon. As for reading
history, who has time for these things now-a-days?
However, it also
reminded the WTL of another piece of writing:
[Miss
Bingley] A woman must have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing,
dancing, and the modern languages, to deserve the word; and besides all this,
she must possess a certain something in her air and manner of walking, the tone
of her voice, her address and expressions, or the word will be but
half-deserved."
"All this she must possess," added Darcy, "and to all this she must yet add something more substantial, in the improvement of her mind by extensive reading."
[Elizabeth Bennet:] "I am no longer surprised at your knowing only six accomplished women. I rather wonder now at your knowing any." (8.51-53)
"All this she must possess," added Darcy, "and to all this she must yet add something more substantial, in the improvement of her mind by extensive reading."
[Elizabeth Bennet:] "I am no longer surprised at your knowing only six accomplished women. I rather wonder now at your knowing any." (8.51-53)
Right then and there the
WTL vowed to turn her attention to the examples of these periods of time in
order to cultivate herself. In doing so, she hoped to become accomplished
and more importantly she would nurture her creativity.
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